No one wants to work anymore. At least, that’s the impression I would get if I booked a massage and the therapist sent me a Zoom link.

You read that correctly: There are people on this Earth, living among us, that are paying to get a massage via video chat. This isn’t a sort of “self-massage” thing, either — people are lying down on a bed, hopping on Skype and having someone pretend to run their hands over them.

Normally, seeing this sort of thing I wouldn’t believe it, but I have actually met some people who have sold similar sessions online under the guise of “energy healing.”

My advice? Take two shots of vodka and throw on an episode of Billions. I promise, your energy will be healed in no time.